(Grey + wet+ cold)days + hot tea = liveable.

God is rockin' my socks. Around the clock.

I know I've said it before, but being here has been such a blessing already.

Despite my homesickness and the feeling of loneliness creeping in at the edges of my days (which I 85% attribute to the depressing weather that just won't quit!!!) I have been experiencing a lot of what I shall call "awakenings" in my life! Awakenings in my own character, passions, career, relationships, faith journey!

The most exciting I think is regarding a potential career path...

So I was wondering how the heck the skills I am gaining here would benefit me in the future, outside of this position here in Illinois. I am basically picking up mothering skills (which... note to self: must no longer take umma for granted and be more thankful for her decades of packing lunches and preparing meals!!!!!) and learning how to care for people.

Which brings me to my second point! I am quite interested in at some point volunteering or interning in an aftercare facility for Cambodian girls rescued from sex-trafficking. It's something that's been on my heart and hopefully somehow I'll be able to go in the near future to see if maybe that's a more specific area that God is calling me to... who knows..

So! Combining those two previous points... I remembered that Will had recently suggested spiritual counseling as a career possibility. It was pretty random, and I hadn't given it much thought before that fateful car-ride to Michigan (Lisa you were there, too! I forget if you were awake when me and Will were having this particular convo-) but since he mentioned it, it's kinda been on the back burner of my mind. Until a couple weeks ago, when I realized that girls in aftercare facilities don't just need to be fed and "taken care of"... they need so much counseling to help them work through the HUGE step over into society from the pain/humiliation/suffocation of being trafficked.

Mmm... a couple weeks back, I attended a "Party with the Pastors" - a meet and greet thing with the leaders here at Harvest Bible Chapel Peoria, and during a conversation with the pastor of adult ministries I was explaining that I was kind of in a transition period, figuring out what direction God wants me to go... and I casually mentioned that I may possibly be interested in spiritual counseling. It turns out that he was starting a Foundations of Biblical Counseling course for people interested in counseling or just to learn about it in 2 weeks! So I asked him to let me know more about it and... this past Sunday I started the 4-week, 16 session course.

Anyway, to make a long story.... well, a little bit longer, I've just felt a bunch of puzzle pieces kinda fitting together in my heart and I can't describe how EXCITED I was when I first heard the *click*. I'm not sure if God will lead me to minister to those girls in Cambodia, but for now this feels so perfect.

Please pray with me!!! I've just been bombarded with attacks in my heart and mind in the past week... and God has been SOO good to me, I don't want to take my eyes off of Him and make it about me.

Er, I was going to touch on some of the other stuff that's been happening but I am literally falling asleep, so peace out! Thanks for letting me share this with you!

God is so GOOD!

"Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he; I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you." [Isaiah 46:4]

Lace catsuit

I'm sorry, I just had to get this question out there, even if no one hears me. I like American Apparel, but some of their stuff is just waaaaay out there. This is an ad that I see occasionally on facebook.

What the !?!?! would you do with a "lace catsuit"???

How would you wear such a thing? It looks completely see-through. And yet covers the entire body. I just... yes. Just wanted to vent my frustration.

Hello, October

Soooooo I am about to hop in the shower but just wanted to update (all my avid readers haha) real quick.

I am so happy here... God is so cool, and awesome and wonderful and gracious... and I know I'm supposed to be researching and seeking and hunting down career paths, but right now it's just so delicious to BE. To ABIDE in His presence and mercy and love.

It's funny I should start learning these things after I step out of my "normal" life, into a strange unknown setting. Well, I guess it's not really that 'funny.' God works in 'funny' ways all the time.

So I suppose this is 'normal'. haha

I'm on my FOURTH week of P90X! I seriously didn't think I would stick with it, but it's soo good to do first thing in the morning when the kids go to school and I have definitely seen improvement in my overall health, my back feels so much stronger (yaaay no more tweaky ouchiness?!) and I'm happy with how my clothes are fitting now. ^^

Mmm.. I've gotten plugged into a church (Harvest Bible Chapel Peoria) and a small group and I am LOVING what I've learned and who I've met so far! God really really seems to draw the perfect people into our lives when we need them and I'm so thankful.

The weather is getting cooler and I'm SO excited for the leaves to turn... I've singled out a tree down my street that's beginning to be tinged with red, so I'm planning on taking a picture of it (every couple days?) to do like a time-lapse, watch-the-leaves-turn type thing. haha stay tuned..

The drive into Peoria from Washington (where I live)

My domain! LOL Our kitchen in "Willow Home"

Grand View Drive, a beautiful stretch of road with huuuge houses and overlooking the Illinois River. So many trees just waiting to be set ablaze in colour! Can't wait to see!

Illinois

I am living in Washington, Illinois!

The program my boss runs has 20 international students from Korea enrolled in it, 5 of which live with me in this house. I love my boss.

15 minutes across the river is Peoria, Illinois which is where the kids attend school. I have yet to discover it in its entirety, but I hope to do so soon and I'm really excited. From the pictures and blogs I've seen online, and from what I've seen already, Peoria seems like a very pretty and charming city.

Today was an especially fun day; Wednesday is bible study night and Korean food day. I got to meet the other students who are living in other houses around Peoria and I led bible study with the Grade 10s.

I have been lacking coffee ever since I got here (3 days now) and I am seriously in need of caffeine.

The co-teacher who also lives in the house JUST got a new Rav4, so I will now have greater mobility with the other house car and I'm so excited to get out and explore the city!!!!!!

I'm challenging myself to do a few things already: to have daily QTs after the kids are shipped off to school in the mornings, and to draw something everyday.

I'm SO pooped. I'm outtie.

To sing Your praise to the ends of the earth..

I see hypocrisy around me and in me, and unlove around me and in me.

I know this is not a good sign on my own part

I know that it simply means that I am lacking in love,

but it's so hard.

What use is it to think of and realize such beautiful truths and revelations about God when others can't see the transforming power and love that flows from such truths!

Make me more pliable, more workable, more impressionable to Your shaping and changing presence!

My heart is so small. So selfish and proud and stubborn and unclean.

More Love!!!!!

SIGH.

There are moments of grace, though, most definitely... for these I am so truly grateful.

I am soooo excited... In all honesty, I feel so much better about my decision to stay here. For now. I want to see how God will use me either career-wise, academically or in the mission field. Whether here at home or overseas.

Help me understand these longings in my heart, the passion that I cannot yet name or identify. Help me see Your will more clearly! Help me desire more of Your Word!

Lord, use me! Please use this decision and let me honour You in it..

I love You!

...amen.

summertime summertime sum-sum-summertime

yowza

so.. i was studying for my geography final (tomorrow, 2pm) a few days ago, then, feeling pretty confident that i had covered enough of the material to finish the remainder by tonight, i focused on my medical biophysics course.  

as i was studying this afternoon (for medbio), i halfheartedly flipped through my iPhone, checking out what was coming up on my calendar. imagine my horror when i realized that i had studied (dilligently) for the WRONG GEOGRAPHY CLASS!

i'm taking two geographies this semester and i love them both: latin america and caribbean, and subsaharan africa. Africa is tomorrow and i am currently in the midst of an all-nighter studying for it, lest i do it injustice on the final... woe is me. lol

i guess this just goes to show... that...... ...... ... i'll never learn? hahaha

anyways, just thought i'd let u guys share in my stupidity.

can't wait to finish exams and play play play. 

telephone interview for korea on tuesday @ 12pm! (seoyoung, i'm sorry...... i'm planning on going for a year- i'll fill you in on the details when i sleep over at your house hehe)

-->SUS! i'm gonna come join youuuu! 

back to subsaharan africa! gah!

on a totally unrelated note, some lady brought her 7 WEEK OLD (maltese?) PUPPYYYYY to Taylor library and it was SLEEPING on the floor and... i asked to snap a picture of the little darling. (hehehehehe i'm feeling all mushy again over it)

i could've stolen her away she was so adorable. awwww

a couple quick random thoughts

My mood today is kind of a muted yellow. It's not a sunshiney bright yellow, but its like the memory of joyfulness with a dull and lacklustre finish. There is definite potential for polishing and brightening to occur there, though... 

I just randomly found it too sad that Jang JaYun's suicide during the filming of Boys Over Flowers had no effect on the rest of the drama. I realize that her fans and friends in Korea must have been shocked and mourning happened, but on this side of the world... we just continued to watch BOF, and her death didn't even affect the plot..

This frustrates me for some reason I can't quite understand. I think it has something to do with how death is so PREVALENT but we're so quick to sweep it under the rug... and also something to do with how quickly the little flame our lives can be "put out." It's scary but makes me feel even more urgent to DO things with the right motives... For the Kingdom!!! Money "success" popularity fame power is so useless as personal gain in life when you can't take any of it when you go... 

And...

Oh, right. I've found roundtrip airfare to Korea mid-June to the end of August for $848USD... I'm soooooo tempted to just get on a plane and go, and just do private tutoring there... one of the (wonderful lovely awesome) froshies know the Dean of Medicine at Yonsei University so she said she could get me a volunteer position there at the hospital, too....

I feel like I have TOO MANY options to make a decision about what to do about my immediate plans for the future since TPR didn't work out... Boo.

Kk! I have to go get ready for April's birthday pah-ty tonight...

it's a slow fade

Oh my heart! 

I had such a love-ly week last week... I felt like I really was basking in the glow of God's love.

But all of a sudden... I was plunged into the dark again. 

Really REALLY : be careful if you think you stand... cause you just might be sinking.

The song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns used to make me very uncomfortable when I heard it while driving. Now I recognize it as a warning. 

I'm not sure if anyone will end up reading all of this... I sometimes feel really pressed for time and am unable to read everything others write, but I just need to get this OUT.

I am DYING for girlfriend-hood. Sisterdom. Edifying relationship. What is wrong with me that I can't establish it with girls around me? My heart is crying out for someone to help carry my burden, share my secrets, ease my pain. 

But there is no one here.

I know that little by little God is opening doors to new relationship in my life, which I'm really really excited about, but I wish I could the reconcile the poor, broken, hurting relationships that are lying right in front of me.

And I wish I knew how to use my perception PRODUCTIVELY! Instead, I sit and stew in my own frustration and pain at other peoples' pain and brokenness. It's so hard to care. It's so painful to care...

I speak of committing my life to Jesus, but do I know what that looks like? Where are the fruitful relationships, where are the fruits of my spirit? Where is the fruit!!!

I so badly want to bear a harvest of pretty fruit. Whole, sparkling, beautiful fruit that others want to share in. 

But my fruit is tinged around the edges, there are pock marks and bruises on them. 

Where is the COMMUNITY? Where is the fellowship? Where is the LOVE? 

I'm so tired.

Give me the light. Give me the peace. Give me the Rock!

Lord, increase my faith.

10 Things!

i accidentally hit the stop recording button at the end, there... lol

ah well, i was finished anyways. 

Love is in the air!

i am sooooo in love with You !

......

I just tried to think of words to express what I'm experiencing right now, the sweetness of this time in my life and faith journey... but I can't. There are no words.

So I'll update again later.

hehehehehehehehe *thank You God*

P.S. READ 'THE SHACK' by William Paul Young!

Spring hath Sprung!

I'm sorry, you must turn the volume waaaaaaaay way up.

I'll shout next time, I promise.

munshin.

I must alter/fix my tat. 

And.. I guess that's that.

Make it count.

All this talk of Lent... here are some of my thoughts about it.

I don't think I knew what Lent was, growing up. I don't even recall the first time I observed it, or what I gave up. I wonder if I understood what it meant at the time.

As I take this time to be alone, and have some introspection... I think I can begin to understand the "reason for the season." hehe. 

We have so much but are willing to give up so little to the One who's given us EVERYTHING. 

I want Lent to be real this year.

I want to not just give something up and then simply fill that space in my life with something else... I want this sacrifice to mean something, to be a way to experience God fuller, more real in my life.

Pastor Billy told us the other day that if we truly give something up and are really experiencing Lent, we should be growing closer to God. 

I want that.

So... here goes.

celebratory two.

so i did end up making a croquembouche... i made it from a laura calder recipe (star of "French Cooking at Home") and it was so much fun! except at the end, when i was rushed for time and was worried that it would all fall apart... and then cleaning the pot of rock hard caramel wasn't too fun either... but on the whole, i'd say 'twas a fun experience.

they were so beautiful!

i made each puff pastry ("choux" pastry, because they kinda-sorta-not really resemble little cabbages when they puff up) from scratch, and it was AMAZING seeing the squirts of runny dough puff up into a ... a puff. glorious. and then i made the vanilla custard from scratch as well and filled each choux pastry with it.... thennnnn i made caramel (thaaat took a lot of patience) and dipped each pastry puff, and stuck it to an inverted flower pot on a foil-covered disk. then i spun sugar around the whole thing and prayed it would stay intact on the way to sam and jocelyn's house!

PHEW!

made it to the party in one piece!

aaaand that's all for now because i am not feeling well.

Deluxe Update

There once was a wonderful Sunday School Pastor, named Peace Jundosanim. She came to relieve the usual Sunday School pastor while she was on maternity leave, and the LKCC children loved her. She became wonderful friends with Scott's mom and after she left, kept in contact with her. 

Christmas season came, and Peace sent a large package to Scott's house. Scott's mother opened the parcel and inside were many presents to jangronims and jipsanims at LKCC! One of these gifts was a do-it-yourself samgak kimbap (triangle kimbap) maker kit thing, and Scott's sister Ashley was very very excited about it, indeed.  So, she set about learning how to assemble these wonderful snack-sized rice balls wrapped in seaweed ["kim" (pronounced "geem") or "nori], but there was no clear instructions online! After examing photo after photo after obscure website about "onigiri" (the Japanese term for samgak kimbap), she finally figured out how to wrap the triangular lump of rice! Here are the fruits of her labour:

Instructions on Assembling "Samgak Kimbap"

1. Season sticky rice with sesame oil, salt, and sesame seeds. (I also mixed in a rice seasoning mix for extra flavaaa)

2. Prepare your filling of choice, a strip of kim, and a (preferably non-stick) surface to work on. 

3. Fill bottom of a triangular rice mold with rice, and make a small impression in the centre.

4. Place filling in the middle of the triangle, and cover with more seasoned rice. 

5. Use the triangle "top" to compress your rice and contained filling into a tight triangle.

6. Stand your rice triangle in the middle of your strip of kim, and fold it up on each side of the rice. 

7. Wrap corners of each side around the rice and hold in place with a sticker (included in the kim package). 

8. VOILA! You have created your own, personalized, super cute samgak kimbap! ENJOY!

Now, opening this package is another feat altogether, but if you wish to go about this without ripping your kim in the process, there are videos of how to do this online. Hahaha!

I am in love with this stuff. Some fillings I have tried to date are a spicy chili tuna, a lemon dill tuna, and smoked salmon + cream cheese! Mmmm. It was so frustrating, though, me and my mom ventured to make one together and utterly failed.. we ruined 3 of those plastic-wrapped sheets of kim before I set about figuring out how to do it properly. 

The end.