dig deep

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or othat." James 4:13-15

baaaah

when things get tough, i always seem to bail.

i ride my emotions through their crazy rollercoaster unquestioningly and don't think things through.

i want to change

i think lately i've been kind of blehh because i've been thinking and investing too much of myself into the future... but i have to take care of today, first. today i want to be a good sister, daughter, bible study teacher, Christ-follower, a good student...

i want to be so abandoned to God's will that it would be apparent even down to the way i think and speak... dependent on His direction, sure of His provision, unwavering faith in My God.

ALAS..... i sit here in a funk because i have been acting independent of Him... have not trusted in His provision... faith fluttering in the wind... Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!

***

my shins are killing me cuz i was walking around using all the wrong leg muscles yesterday; i was trying to alleviate pressure from the balls of my feet because my stupid shoes are ROCK HARD inside (they're Steve Maddens, masquerading as Birkenstocks) and after fast-walking from southcott to angelo's yesterday morning to meet julie for breakfast...... enough said. i have huge blisters on the bottoms of my feet and they do not feel nice.

the eczema patches on my arms and neck have really really gotten better... i'm so thankful, i want to be able to wear short sleeves and tank tops when if it gets warmer. even the skin on my legs are improving and i've vowed that if my skin clears up noticeably i am going to don SHORTS THIS SUMMER!!!! (i haven't voluntarily worn shorts in public in i think.... wow... over 5 years. i didnt even wear shorts in korea when it was summer!)

so this is a pretty big thing for me, to have my skin improving.

okay okay. time to bowflex and then shower and studyyy!

numb arms

i just mowed the lawn field here at southcott

i have lost all feeling in my arms and my hands are going to sprout some sweet calluses soon

goodness GRACIOUS will wasn't kidding when he said the backyard was large. i was all, oh, our backyard at homehome is pretty big, this'll be a piece of cake. oh, how this yard humbled me!

it looks fantastic, though, i must say. i thinkk i was out there for about an hour cuz the first half of the yard the wheels were super close to the ground and it was almost impossible to push the lawn mower smoothly through the thick grass.... and then inggy came out with some OJ and helped me fix the wheels so they'd sit a little higher off the ground.

now half the day is over and i did no studying today.

...yet, i guess.

i'm realizing that although i've been kinda flaky with my relationship with Hananeem the past little while, He's been making changes while i wasn't looking even~~!

owie my palms.

SUMMMMMMER

I'm studying for MCATs!!! It must be summer.
LOLLLL I died when I saw this card at Dollarama with Sunmi... I think the card-makers got confused and forgot that an ellyfunt's mouth is located under its trunk. Tsk tsk.
I am also broke!
Hm. Quick 5 minute update:

1. I am getting acupuncture for my eczema. It's been a little less than a month and its helped SOOOO MUCH. I am completely flabbergasted and amazed and grateful and just... yay. Except for the han-yak (traditional Chinese herbal medicine aka sewage water that I have to drink 3x a day).
2. I'm super behind on MCAT studying. HAHA So my days are full of catch-up work and then I occasionally grace my class with my presence in the evenings... it's hard to work up the motivation to go to class when you were taught the exaaact same material (down to the same diagrams and everything!) last summer already.
3. I've started teaching Hi-Cs at church! I was pretty nervous when I started but I'm super stoked right now... I know that God has given me this opportunity to learn more about Him and His love for not just me, but women (er.. girls hehe) in general.
4. I need to mow the lawn here at Southcott!
5. Oooh! I love love love the super duper expensive Papyrus cards at Chapters. I've been buying them over the past year or so, and I can't get enough of them- They're SO freakin bi-ssah though! But look:

Aren't they cuuuute... I can only afford these sometimes, though. hahaha

'Sall for now...