Hello, October

Soooooo I am about to hop in the shower but just wanted to update (all my avid readers haha) real quick.

I am so happy here... God is so cool, and awesome and wonderful and gracious... and I know I'm supposed to be researching and seeking and hunting down career paths, but right now it's just so delicious to BE. To ABIDE in His presence and mercy and love.

It's funny I should start learning these things after I step out of my "normal" life, into a strange unknown setting. Well, I guess it's not really that 'funny.' God works in 'funny' ways all the time.

So I suppose this is 'normal'. haha

I'm on my FOURTH week of P90X! I seriously didn't think I would stick with it, but it's soo good to do first thing in the morning when the kids go to school and I have definitely seen improvement in my overall health, my back feels so much stronger (yaaay no more tweaky ouchiness?!) and I'm happy with how my clothes are fitting now. ^^

Mmm.. I've gotten plugged into a church (Harvest Bible Chapel Peoria) and a small group and I am LOVING what I've learned and who I've met so far! God really really seems to draw the perfect people into our lives when we need them and I'm so thankful.

The weather is getting cooler and I'm SO excited for the leaves to turn... I've singled out a tree down my street that's beginning to be tinged with red, so I'm planning on taking a picture of it (every couple days?) to do like a time-lapse, watch-the-leaves-turn type thing. haha stay tuned..

The drive into Peoria from Washington (where I live)

My domain! LOL Our kitchen in "Willow Home"

Grand View Drive, a beautiful stretch of road with huuuge houses and overlooking the Illinois River. So many trees just waiting to be set ablaze in colour! Can't wait to see!

Illinois

I am living in Washington, Illinois!

The program my boss runs has 20 international students from Korea enrolled in it, 5 of which live with me in this house. I love my boss.

15 minutes across the river is Peoria, Illinois which is where the kids attend school. I have yet to discover it in its entirety, but I hope to do so soon and I'm really excited. From the pictures and blogs I've seen online, and from what I've seen already, Peoria seems like a very pretty and charming city.

Today was an especially fun day; Wednesday is bible study night and Korean food day. I got to meet the other students who are living in other houses around Peoria and I led bible study with the Grade 10s.

I have been lacking coffee ever since I got here (3 days now) and I am seriously in need of caffeine.

The co-teacher who also lives in the house JUST got a new Rav4, so I will now have greater mobility with the other house car and I'm so excited to get out and explore the city!!!!!!

I'm challenging myself to do a few things already: to have daily QTs after the kids are shipped off to school in the mornings, and to draw something everyday.

I'm SO pooped. I'm outtie.

To sing Your praise to the ends of the earth..

I see hypocrisy around me and in me, and unlove around me and in me.

I know this is not a good sign on my own part

I know that it simply means that I am lacking in love,

but it's so hard.

What use is it to think of and realize such beautiful truths and revelations about God when others can't see the transforming power and love that flows from such truths!

Make me more pliable, more workable, more impressionable to Your shaping and changing presence!

My heart is so small. So selfish and proud and stubborn and unclean.

More Love!!!!!

SIGH.

There are moments of grace, though, most definitely... for these I am so truly grateful.

I am soooo excited... In all honesty, I feel so much better about my decision to stay here. For now. I want to see how God will use me either career-wise, academically or in the mission field. Whether here at home or overseas.

Help me understand these longings in my heart, the passion that I cannot yet name or identify. Help me see Your will more clearly! Help me desire more of Your Word!

Lord, use me! Please use this decision and let me honour You in it..

I love You!

...amen.

summertime summertime sum-sum-summertime

yowza

so.. i was studying for my geography final (tomorrow, 2pm) a few days ago, then, feeling pretty confident that i had covered enough of the material to finish the remainder by tonight, i focused on my medical biophysics course.  

as i was studying this afternoon (for medbio), i halfheartedly flipped through my iPhone, checking out what was coming up on my calendar. imagine my horror when i realized that i had studied (dilligently) for the WRONG GEOGRAPHY CLASS!

i'm taking two geographies this semester and i love them both: latin america and caribbean, and subsaharan africa. Africa is tomorrow and i am currently in the midst of an all-nighter studying for it, lest i do it injustice on the final... woe is me. lol

i guess this just goes to show... that...... ...... ... i'll never learn? hahaha

anyways, just thought i'd let u guys share in my stupidity.

can't wait to finish exams and play play play. 

telephone interview for korea on tuesday @ 12pm! (seoyoung, i'm sorry...... i'm planning on going for a year- i'll fill you in on the details when i sleep over at your house hehe)

-->SUS! i'm gonna come join youuuu! 

back to subsaharan africa! gah!

on a totally unrelated note, some lady brought her 7 WEEK OLD (maltese?) PUPPYYYYY to Taylor library and it was SLEEPING on the floor and... i asked to snap a picture of the little darling. (hehehehehe i'm feeling all mushy again over it)

i could've stolen her away she was so adorable. awwww

a couple quick random thoughts

My mood today is kind of a muted yellow. It's not a sunshiney bright yellow, but its like the memory of joyfulness with a dull and lacklustre finish. There is definite potential for polishing and brightening to occur there, though... 

I just randomly found it too sad that Jang JaYun's suicide during the filming of Boys Over Flowers had no effect on the rest of the drama. I realize that her fans and friends in Korea must have been shocked and mourning happened, but on this side of the world... we just continued to watch BOF, and her death didn't even affect the plot..

This frustrates me for some reason I can't quite understand. I think it has something to do with how death is so PREVALENT but we're so quick to sweep it under the rug... and also something to do with how quickly the little flame our lives can be "put out." It's scary but makes me feel even more urgent to DO things with the right motives... For the Kingdom!!! Money "success" popularity fame power is so useless as personal gain in life when you can't take any of it when you go... 

And...

Oh, right. I've found roundtrip airfare to Korea mid-June to the end of August for $848USD... I'm soooooo tempted to just get on a plane and go, and just do private tutoring there... one of the (wonderful lovely awesome) froshies know the Dean of Medicine at Yonsei University so she said she could get me a volunteer position there at the hospital, too....

I feel like I have TOO MANY options to make a decision about what to do about my immediate plans for the future since TPR didn't work out... Boo.

Kk! I have to go get ready for April's birthday pah-ty tonight...

it's a slow fade

Oh my heart! 

I had such a love-ly week last week... I felt like I really was basking in the glow of God's love.

But all of a sudden... I was plunged into the dark again. 

Really REALLY : be careful if you think you stand... cause you just might be sinking.

The song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns used to make me very uncomfortable when I heard it while driving. Now I recognize it as a warning. 

I'm not sure if anyone will end up reading all of this... I sometimes feel really pressed for time and am unable to read everything others write, but I just need to get this OUT.

I am DYING for girlfriend-hood. Sisterdom. Edifying relationship. What is wrong with me that I can't establish it with girls around me? My heart is crying out for someone to help carry my burden, share my secrets, ease my pain. 

But there is no one here.

I know that little by little God is opening doors to new relationship in my life, which I'm really really excited about, but I wish I could the reconcile the poor, broken, hurting relationships that are lying right in front of me.

And I wish I knew how to use my perception PRODUCTIVELY! Instead, I sit and stew in my own frustration and pain at other peoples' pain and brokenness. It's so hard to care. It's so painful to care...

I speak of committing my life to Jesus, but do I know what that looks like? Where are the fruitful relationships, where are the fruits of my spirit? Where is the fruit!!!

I so badly want to bear a harvest of pretty fruit. Whole, sparkling, beautiful fruit that others want to share in. 

But my fruit is tinged around the edges, there are pock marks and bruises on them. 

Where is the COMMUNITY? Where is the fellowship? Where is the LOVE? 

I'm so tired.

Give me the light. Give me the peace. Give me the Rock!

Lord, increase my faith.