Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began...
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out
From under my feet
I'll be found in You, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You.
There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadow it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours
Of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way
You make all things new...
When the world has fallen out
From under me
I'll be found in You, still standing.
Every fear and accusation
Under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You
Pretty sure I could listen to Brooke Fraser forever. What a beauteous voice! Whenever she sings, I can imagine God tuning in and going "AW RIGHT! Brooke's on!" hahaha Except I'm sure He would express His sentiments much more eloquently and ... cool-ly..
I want so much to live this song right now.
After many terrifying/disappointing/heartbreaking/exhilarating ups and downs I am definitely not the same Sunah that came into university. And I'm glad that I'm not the same, but I definitely need foundational discipline to keep on going even when things are rough.
(As an aside: I am loving Pastor Billy and have totally resonated with the message he's given in the past 2 weeks... I totally hear God speaking through him...)
Even in my current state of heart though, I ask for wisdom I do not deserve, forgiveness I have not earned, and love I don't understand. Oh, and also the humility to accept these things. Too often I think my heart boasts that it doesn't care and it's fine... but I know it's not.
You make all things new. Please make me new... Again.
I want to be in a place where I can confidently talk about the nitty gritty stuff in life and not feel ashamed or like I should run and hide. I want all the dark and slimy bits of my life to be exposed to the bright and be changed into something beautiful, or else blasted into oblivion.
I want to deepen those ho-hum relationships that have the pretential (is that a word), gauzy mask of real friendship but is really lacking any substance beyond the surface... As a very recent encounter has reminded me, it's been so long since I've really connected with my "close friends" and it hurts.
Especially for my bible study girls... I want so much to be an asset to them, a resource, a guide... I feel so useless sometimes-
I want to see the world and its pains with eyes that have selective vision... I want to see it all, FEEL it all. LIVE and not just exist. Be passionate in all the things I do and love God, His children, His creation with reckless abandon.
But alas. For now I am just me, in this dark lonely place, awaiting rescue. Occasionally His presence pierces the darkness and rekindles my flame... and for that I am so thankful.
I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!
2 comments:
i remember when Billy said specifically, most people exist, but few rarely live.
amen to you my sunah of goodness.
god bless.
Mm the beauty of forgiveness is that we can never earn it! we are forgiven = we realize the reality of God's grace,
i feel ya on this post,
i think during these times, even though we see such lack of so much in ourselves and in our lives, he calls us out, and nudges us to be obedient to him and to trust him, the hardest things ever, but know this Ashery, Jesus believes in you! He has placed his promises in you and he is going to bring you into completion, you just gotta see yourself the way God sees you! and the way other people (like me!!) see you too!
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