CHRISTmas!!!

merry christmas, everyone!!!

YAAAAAAAAAY

I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE!!!

and uh... in *ahem* celebration:

dang

I WANT TO LIVE MORE BEAUTIFULLY!

On another unrelated, but at the same time very related, note...

DETOX post, to come. 

STAY TUNED!!!

vee-logue

walking in a winter wonderland

The snow was falling so prettily as I walked from my car to campus this morning!

Made me forget for just a little while how gross it's been outside because of the slush... :P

It fell in small clumps, crashing and disappearing into the wet sidewalk... 

It made me remember how beautiful our campus is!

But in the midst of my reverie, as I trudged along in the cold smiling to myself... small snowflakes started flitting up my nostril!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

I am so serious, it totally startled me out of my happy daydreaming. 

Has this happened to anyone else? LOL 

It felt like the snow didn't want to continue its path to the ground and decided to hide in my nose instead. 

Ohhh the random hilarity of life. 

This post sounds ridiculous reading it over, but I just wanted to share.

Okay! Short photo upload before starting my studies today!

A family of geese! This was before the snow started...

Some treats I bought at a European delicatessen

I believe the chocolates are Polish... and I must say I don't think I'm too fond of them.

They tasted kind of fruity. And the chocolate covered marshmallow bars had a wet spongy texture.

The piggy I bought for the cuteness, but he didn't taste very nice either. Is marzipan supposed to taste like PlayDoh?

I really feel like baking... I've been trying to find an excuse to make a croquembouche... 

isn't it pretty?

whoa.

I have an intense need to blog right now.

I'm being so completely convicted that it hurts my heart.

I've been in a low place spiritually for the past... I don't even recall how long it's been since I felt REAL.

I feel real now.

I'm not sure if I can convey this feeling clearly in words, but I really just need to get my thoughts down right now.

I look around me and see so much complacency. So much compromise. So much backsliding. I see it most in myself. 

But I am tired of just accepting that this is just the way to go... Thinking this slope is too steep to fight the severe incline of the mountain. We are called to fight it!!! He knows we'll slip and fall back every once in awhile, but He is always ALWAYS ready to catch us and  help us back up. To give us strength and the footing to gain a few more inches uphill. 

I'm just going to come out and say it. KCF and LKCC leaders are slacking. I am slacking. I will admit it and I am not proud of the many ways I am lacking in my spiritual journey right now. I sense it in so many people around me, and I pray they have the humility to admit it too and do something about it. I've been feeling this heavy weight on my heart as I think about the actions and words of many "spiritual leaders", me included as an LKCC bible study teacher. I'm unsure about the others, so I'll speak for myself. 

I have been losing my desire to love my younger brothers and sisters.

I have been selfish in wanting to fulfill my own worldly desires.

I have not been reading my bible.

I find myself wanting to swear. (Although this may seem random, if you really knew me, you'd know that I HATE swear words and have often criticized others when they swore... I found this to be a pretty clear indication of my spiritual state a couple weeks ago-)

I am always criticizing and not building others up.

I do not spend time with Jesus, and have on several occasions have deliberately hurt him. 

I feel intense guilt and shame that I cannot seem to shake. I know our God is not a God who is into the whole guilt and shame thing.

I feel the driness of my soul. 

It has come to my attention that my younger sisters and brothers are really being impacted by the older guys/girls' actions. 

I am so disappointed that we are setting such a horrible example for them. 

Are we truly engaging in meaningful, deep, edifying relationships with them? 

Do we encourage each other in the Word and in love? 
Do we share encouraging, healing, good words with them? Or do we just gossip and talk on the surface level?

Do we take time to really ask how they are doing? Not just their studies, but in matters of the heart. Of the soul?

Do we make ourselves available to each other, to pray together, to FELLOWSHIP together? Or have our gatherings turned into just a social event?

I miss the days when I could call up my unnis and ask them to pray over me. I've had the most intense prayer sessions while in university, with my girlfriends and unnis who were truly concerned with my spiritual growth and the pains of my heart. 

I want to be this kind of unni. This kind of sister. 

I'm sick and tired of being spiritually sick and tired. 

I have made the decision to actively be an instrument that Jesus can use to reach  out to whoever around me needs love. 

I will repent of my own sins and my laziness.

I will not be afraid to speak out, to study the Word and spur people... even if they don't like what I have to say. 

I will try to do these things in a loving way, and not attack people.

I know this is not a joking matter, and that my actions may affect people around me more deeply than I could imagine. I want my every action to be meaningful, significant and overflowing with love.

Lord!

I am here! 

I am totally feeling Your presence. 

I am so excited. 

Please humble me so I know that this is not for any other reason than for Your glory and witness... 

Please use me and this unexpected passion I have discovered tonight. 

Begin the healing process in me and please forgive me. 

I love you! 

Today

GRAD PHOTO TODAY!!!
EEEEEK

Shadowfeet

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet

Toward home, a land that I've never seen

I am changing, less and less asleep

Made of different stuff than when I began...

And I have sensed it all along

Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out 

From under my feet

I'll be found in You, still standing.

When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees

When time and space are through

I'll be found in You.

There's distraction buzzing in my head

Saying in the shadow it's easier to stay

But I've heard rumours 

Of true reality

Whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new...

When the world has fallen out

From under me

I'll be found in You, still standing.

Every fear and accusation

Under my feet

When time and space are through

I'll be found in You

Pretty sure I could listen to Brooke Fraser forever. What a beauteous voice! Whenever she sings, I can imagine God tuning in and going "AW RIGHT! Brooke's on!" hahaha Except I'm sure He would express His sentiments much more eloquently and ... cool-ly.. 

I want so much to live this song right now. 

After many terrifying/disappointing/heartbreaking/exhilarating ups and downs I am definitely not the same Sunah that came into university. And I'm glad that I'm not the same, but I definitely need foundational discipline to keep on going even when things are rough.

(As an aside: I am loving Pastor Billy and have totally resonated with the message he's given in the past 2 weeks... I totally hear God speaking through him...)

Even in my current state of heart though, I ask for wisdom I do not deserve, forgiveness I have not earned, and love I don't understand. Oh, and also the humility to accept these things. Too often I think my heart boasts that it doesn't care and it's fine... but I know it's not. 

You make all things new. Please make me new... Again.

I want to be in a place where I can confidently talk about the nitty gritty stuff in life and not feel ashamed or like I should run and hide. I want all the dark and slimy bits of my life to be exposed to the bright and be changed into something beautiful, or else blasted into oblivion.

I want to deepen those ho-hum relationships that have the pretential (is that a word), gauzy mask of real friendship but is really lacking any substance beyond the surface... As a very recent encounter has reminded me, it's been so long since I've really connected with my "close friends" and it hurts. 

Especially for my bible study girls... I want so much to be an asset to them, a resource, a guide... I feel so useless sometimes- 

I want to see the world and its pains with eyes that have selective vision... I want to see it all, FEEL it all. LIVE and not just exist. Be passionate in all the things I do and love God, His children, His creation with reckless abandon. 

But alas. For now I am just me, in this dark lonely place, awaiting rescue. Occasionally His presence pierces the darkness and rekindles my flame... and for that I am so thankful. 

I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!

Disappointed

I am so very easily teed off lately.

I am so very afraid to step back and take a long hard look at myself.

What I have become.

I thought that giving You my heart once would lock me in for good. 

I thought that after all we've been through... all You've shown me and told me... what we had was unbreakable. 

I thought I could rest. 

Can't I rest? Can't I be healed? Can't I just sit here and have all my jumbled and scarred insides fixed?

Where is she. Where is that person who was so ready to climb mountains for You... leave everything and everyone behind for You... who confessed that You were her First, her Most, her Best...

I guess everyone kind of loses themselves once in awhile. 

I'm at a point where I'm not sure whether to go searching for me again, or to just "ride it out"... 

But I am just so good at pitying myself. Wallowing in my pain and smallness and feeling so utterly disappointed when people don't just automatically know I am feeling this way, or try to fix me. 

Please find me. Bring me back. I don't know how to get there. 

Or...

Give me the desire to see You. The strength to walk towards You. The wisdom to know how to get there.

And love. So much more love. Always love.

While I'm on this rampage of negativity... might as well get some stuff off my chest.

I'm disappointed my highlights didn't turn out more high...light...y... today.

I'm disappointed that Inggy was being a jerk earlier.

I'm disappointed that I kept telling myself Inggy was acting like a jerk, and 

I'm disappointed that I was a jerk to Inggy to get back at her.

I'm disappointed that I am not a more supportive friend and/or girlfriend, but 

I'm also disappointed that at times there's no one there to listen.

Anyways. I'm just talking myself in circles, and I would much rather be cheerful at this moment.

...

.....

.......

PUPPIES.

I think I'm going to buy some happiness in the form of a snuggly, soft, playful, loving, wonderful PUPPY. Although mother keeps saying no, I'm like....... 98% sure that she would like having some company when all her chicks are off at school... And I'm 100% sure that I would love having a puppy. hahaha. And while things are a little lighter in this blog, HEY Mr Man aka JH!!! 

I am sure that things will start looking up soon. They always do when I feel this crummy. Maybe I just need sleep... I HAVE pulled like 4 consecutive almost-all-nighters this week. 

...

Late Night Shenanigans

Bathroom rant cont'd...

I apologize profusely but I must also comment on how people can absolutely DESTROY the toilet in public bathrooms. 

I hate it when I reallly have to go, get to the bathroom, and the one available stall is available only because it has one of those iceberg-type ddongs sitting in it. Amongst clouds of toilet paper.

Gross.

I'm not bashing on the people themselves who commit this atrocity. I totally get that there are times when a person's bowels just need to completely relieve themselves.... often at very er, inopportune times (AHEM... like on a half-hour bus ride on the highway to a conference?) but it just ISN'T pleasant walking in on the sight, is all. 

Okay... I will try not to write more about bathrooms anymore. Unless completely necessary.

Bathroom Rant

Does nobody else find it just a tad awkward when they hear other people answer their cellphones in the bathroom? Last week I heard a girl just straight up having a conversation while in a stall (presumably sitting on the toilet) and I just found it really odd. Today I also heard a girl answer the phone as she entered the bathroom and then continue as she proceeded into the stall. Am I the only one who finds it rude/unusual/ever-so-slightlyy unhygienic to be talking on the phone while sitting on the john?

I understand if its some emergency, but these conversations were just ... "HeY~!~!~! How are you doing... did you see Max the other day? He looked so great! Blah blah blah..."  

Just a thought. 

please, have my lunch.

I was listening to a sermon on Grace FM today, and I was SOOO convicted as I was walking (rapidly, because I was late) from TD Waterhouse Stadium to class! I can't for the life of me remember the name of the speaker, but she was talking about surrendering what little we have in order for God to use us fully.

She used the parable of the 5 barley loaves and 2 fish... pointing out that such a lunch implied that the boy who provided it was probably poor. I never thought about that little boy having the CHOICE to obey and give this measly lunch to Jesus - he could have refused to believe it would make any difference to a crowd of >5 000 people and given the disciples a hard time. 

That's what we are asked to do, with what little we have; because what we have is little. We know so little, we can only do so little, our 5 loaves and 2 fish are nothing compared to the great task we are meant to accomplish. On our own... there is no way we could feed ten people, let alone 5 000. We need Jesus... we need God to take the small lunch we have and multiply it with his awesomeness into something crazy-huge. Into something beautiful. 

I feel that these days I am being asked to surrender my lunch... and heaven knows it's so difficult to trust God enough to do so. But I want very much to do just that- to surrender my lunch completely... not hold anything back and let it be USED as it was meant to be used... to not just feed myself, but the people around me- the people I encounter everywhere I go. 

So... Lord... Yes. Have my lunch.

fin.

wow
now that i've written the mcat... i have so many things to DO!

-register for bio courses
-retreat stuff (call maple grove)
-rollerblade
-lose weight
-katie's wedding
-start drawing pretty things
-bake a fondant cake and decorate
-catch up on some reading
-canada's wonderland
-volunteer volunteer
-meet up with julie, kalyn, lauren, hanna

AAAAAND et cetera!

pictures to come!

this weekend was wonderful. thank youu. ^___^

smile

ohh how i am awed by beautiful people who think beautiful thoughts.
i wonder if you know how beautiful you are.

study stress

so i'm about a week away from round 2 of tackling the mcat and i must say i'm pretty nervous

i feel unprepared
i feel dumb
i feel like giving up
i feel unsure
i feel scared

they say second time's a charm, though... *insert weak, uncertain smile here*

after traversing to toronto to write the 5 hour-long computerized test, i hope to wind down by being pampered by mark. and by being pampered i mean hanging out with. lol.
but reallyyyyyy... i think a trip to canada's wonderland's been a long time coming. what better way to relieve the past 2 months of strenuous, excruciatingly hard work? if only i had actualllllly studied that hard. i think i studied pretty hard, but will it be good enough.... aaaaaaarggggghh

*ahem*

so i'm sitting here, with papers and books open everywhere on our dining room table and trying to calm down before attacking them again.

hmmm... in other news, i've been thinking lately. thinking about life, my future, my hopes and dreams... as amazing and wonderful it would be for med school to work out, ultimately i just want to be happy with what i'm doing, and feel that i am genuinely fulfilling my Purpose here. what is this purpose? ...

i can't believe another year is going to pass me by and leave me with no missions experience. how can i say i want to help poor/less fortunate people when i have virtually no idea who these people are or what they need? i am, of course, largely to blame for this; i don't persistently seek out such volunteer opportunities... i usually look into some project and then back away because of other responsibilities.... but i'm tired of not following through. send me. use me. MOVE me.

i must be more patient. with people, with myself.... with people.... i say i'm changed, but am i really? all the way down inside my heart? i want to be real.

doo doo doo...

hm..... i'm craving something but i can't quite figure out what.
.
.
.

ah well. back to the books!

shalom

a view of a June sunset from Social Science parking lot

flowers beside a bus shelter near wonderland and sarnia

bus shelter near wonderland and sarnia

a bright pink rose a sweet old man gave me in the elevator in Mark's building~ :)

So, this past weekend was spent in Toronto/Mississauga with the family, celebrating Anna and Paresh's wedding. It was so much fun! 1 wedding down, 2 more to go!

Friday was the Hindu wedding ceremony, which I found long but really interesting. It was really beautiful and colourful and I thought the various rituals really cool... symbolizing the union of the bride and groom and their families. ^^

The ceremony on Saturday at the Metropolitan United church downtown Toronto was short in comparison, and much more simple, but it was beautiful too... Anna looked SO HAPPY. I didn't think I'd cry or anything this weekend, but really, witnessing the union of two people really is a beautiful, moving thing. I'm so excited for them!

Also... I realized as Anna's family gathered for a family photo that my own family has no more grandparents to pose with at weddings. I miss 할아버지 a LOTTT sometimes.

with Anna, in her beautifulllll wedding sari

Yesterday was mum and dad's 23rd wedding anniversary... Wowww they're getting old!

I'm pretty bummed right now... what am I going to do with my life... what is God's plan, and how do I live out a fulfilling, purposeful, glorifying and edifying existence? I want this to be easierrr.... but I guess it wouldn't be half as fun then. Making mistakes, falling down and getting back up... it's all a learning experience. We go in blindfolded and pray that He guides us and catches us when we inevitably do fall-

I want to take up painting, or baking, or something creative. I want to enjoy life and not feel so ... burdened. I want to love and not feel resentful. I want to see beauty in people and in myself and not dwell on the ugly things. I want to be restored and made whole.

The "My Soul" section of the "Tassels" chapter in Velvet Elvis really resonated with me. I think I've taken a prolonged break in my healing process and "experience the shalom of God..." and live from my heart.. connected with my soul. Pastor Sandra used the word shalom ALL the time when she was here at LKCC, and I'm only beginning to understand what it truly means NOW.

Shalom.

I want to experience and live and breathe shalom.

hehehe

I have a secret....

and I can't wait to share it....

Lisa miss you! lol

I can't wait to tell you what your birthday present is MUA HA HA HA-

I've been thinking about it for the last like 30 minutes and I'm SO EXCITED

Alls I gotta say is you better have cleared that date.

dig deep

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or othat." James 4:13-15

baaaah

when things get tough, i always seem to bail.

i ride my emotions through their crazy rollercoaster unquestioningly and don't think things through.

i want to change

i think lately i've been kind of blehh because i've been thinking and investing too much of myself into the future... but i have to take care of today, first. today i want to be a good sister, daughter, bible study teacher, Christ-follower, a good student...

i want to be so abandoned to God's will that it would be apparent even down to the way i think and speak... dependent on His direction, sure of His provision, unwavering faith in My God.

ALAS..... i sit here in a funk because i have been acting independent of Him... have not trusted in His provision... faith fluttering in the wind... Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!

***

my shins are killing me cuz i was walking around using all the wrong leg muscles yesterday; i was trying to alleviate pressure from the balls of my feet because my stupid shoes are ROCK HARD inside (they're Steve Maddens, masquerading as Birkenstocks) and after fast-walking from southcott to angelo's yesterday morning to meet julie for breakfast...... enough said. i have huge blisters on the bottoms of my feet and they do not feel nice.

the eczema patches on my arms and neck have really really gotten better... i'm so thankful, i want to be able to wear short sleeves and tank tops when if it gets warmer. even the skin on my legs are improving and i've vowed that if my skin clears up noticeably i am going to don SHORTS THIS SUMMER!!!! (i haven't voluntarily worn shorts in public in i think.... wow... over 5 years. i didnt even wear shorts in korea when it was summer!)

so this is a pretty big thing for me, to have my skin improving.

okay okay. time to bowflex and then shower and studyyy!

numb arms

i just mowed the lawn field here at southcott

i have lost all feeling in my arms and my hands are going to sprout some sweet calluses soon

goodness GRACIOUS will wasn't kidding when he said the backyard was large. i was all, oh, our backyard at homehome is pretty big, this'll be a piece of cake. oh, how this yard humbled me!

it looks fantastic, though, i must say. i thinkk i was out there for about an hour cuz the first half of the yard the wheels were super close to the ground and it was almost impossible to push the lawn mower smoothly through the thick grass.... and then inggy came out with some OJ and helped me fix the wheels so they'd sit a little higher off the ground.

now half the day is over and i did no studying today.

...yet, i guess.

i'm realizing that although i've been kinda flaky with my relationship with Hananeem the past little while, He's been making changes while i wasn't looking even~~!

owie my palms.

SUMMMMMMER

I'm studying for MCATs!!! It must be summer.
LOLLLL I died when I saw this card at Dollarama with Sunmi... I think the card-makers got confused and forgot that an ellyfunt's mouth is located under its trunk. Tsk tsk.
I am also broke!
Hm. Quick 5 minute update:

1. I am getting acupuncture for my eczema. It's been a little less than a month and its helped SOOOO MUCH. I am completely flabbergasted and amazed and grateful and just... yay. Except for the han-yak (traditional Chinese herbal medicine aka sewage water that I have to drink 3x a day).
2. I'm super behind on MCAT studying. HAHA So my days are full of catch-up work and then I occasionally grace my class with my presence in the evenings... it's hard to work up the motivation to go to class when you were taught the exaaact same material (down to the same diagrams and everything!) last summer already.
3. I've started teaching Hi-Cs at church! I was pretty nervous when I started but I'm super stoked right now... I know that God has given me this opportunity to learn more about Him and His love for not just me, but women (er.. girls hehe) in general.
4. I need to mow the lawn here at Southcott!
5. Oooh! I love love love the super duper expensive Papyrus cards at Chapters. I've been buying them over the past year or so, and I can't get enough of them- They're SO freakin bi-ssah though! But look:

Aren't they cuuuute... I can only afford these sometimes, though. hahaha

'Sall for now...

moo-ji-gae dduk

my heart is so light today.

i'm tired, but i intend to stay up at least a couple more hours in an attempt to start drawing up an outline for my essay that's due on friday. oh boy.

i was dropped off at north york centre at 7:30(!!!!!!!!!!!!!) in the morning. i sat at wendy's for awhile with an orange juice and read, then bought some 떡 from the 가나안 떡집 down the street and hung out. i finished reading a really dark and scary book while waiting for the bus at Finch station (it was freezing!!!). the book is titled Song of Kali and is written by Dan Simmons. I won't go into much etail but it just had my hair standing on end and i gasped aloud several times throughout the 300 or so pages. the images it has stained on my mind totally creep me out and i actually felt afraid this morning in the public bathroom alone.

okayyy, so other than reading that book, my heart is so light today!

this whole rediscovering and rebuilding my relationship with God was overwhelming me this past month... i felt so lost and unequipped and didn't know what to do, but last night at the Good Friday service at our church, we watched clips from the Passion of the Christ and i remembered, for the first time in i think months, why i desire to know Him, be with Him...

So. my Question these days:

Who is my God?

1. He is my Saviour. my awesome awesome Saviour.

-on a totally random tangent, the ah-jum-ma at the dduk store told me i was pretty this morning. i secretly store those occasional compliments in my heart because to me they're like reminders from God that i am beautiful to Him... i feel so ugly sometimes... so although i blush and just nod and smile like an idiot when i hear things like that, they really do touch me deeply. one of the little highlights of my day.

-another was how beautiful the day was! the sun was shining! but it was still really cold... spring had better be here soon...

-family came over and was waiting for me when i got home from my toronto trip... there was abundant food and desserts and family members in our home... it was nice. i totally partook in the easter dinner... i'm really being lax about detox this time around, and its been pretty good...

i feel good. =)

happy birthday to me

I'm twenty-two aujourd'hui.


Twenty-two. Can you believe it... Nope.


I'm slightly cheating on my Detox right now, by eating just the apples out of a luscious apple pie my mom bought and has been seducing me from family's fridge here at homehome... Now the empty crust is staring back at me pretty depress-edly...
I should just eat it too.... HAHAHA but I cannot cuz it is chock-full of wheat flour..........



I must say I'm pretty sad that I can't eat birthday cake this year. Or, a birthday CUPCAKE rather, is tickling my fancy just now. I spent a good 5-6 minutes this morning drooling over pictures of gourmet cupcakes online this morning. I'll just have to pile on the cupcakes after this month is over. Sigh.

My mom has been cooking for the past several hours since I've been home (and earlier today, to my knowledge) to make me a Detox-friendly birthday meal. I'm getting hungry....

Felt pretty self-pitying last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep... I felt alone, and fell asleep listening to Starfield after Jae-min and Ing called to say happy birthday.

I need this old train to break down

I've been watching Food Network practically non-stop since I started Detox, and I can't decide if that's sick of me, like am I torturing myself? hahaha

I think it's time for a quick update on how my diet's been going!

1. Not eating meat really isn't a big deal for me, and I might actually just go veg again soon...

2. I MISS CARBS. Not being able to eat breads and anything chewy and sweet and delicious is just KILLING me. I've been substituting Korean rice cakes (떡) and puffed rice discs (뻥튀기) for "bread" but it just doesn't cut it, and the Korean food store doesn't have a constant supply of rice cake...... =( =( =( =(

3. I've gotten a lot more creative with my cooking... I find that I have to, because I get really bored and unhappy with my food. lol Some new foods I've made to date include Vietnamese rice paper rolls with shrimp, curried lentils, and spicy tofu soup (which I sort of cheated on, since it came in a package).

4. I can see my belly shrinking!

5. I'm not sure of my energy levels because I've been sick all week and therefore have just been exhausted in general.

Speaking of sick, DANG I haven't been this sick in a while. It started out pretty innocently, I just had a cough and a bit of a headache, but over the week totally exploded. *cough cough*.

I went home this week too, and our new cat did a number on my sinuses (I'm super allergic)... so the skin under my nose is just beautifully crusted and dry from all the damage my non-moisturized tissues have done (and TOILET PAPER when I was in class and had no tissues on hand!!!) and my entire face is so dry... even my eyeballs.

I woke up this morning and had no eyelids. I cannot go out on days like this...

I feel like life is passing me by.... I'm 22 tomorrow. Wow.

sweet sweet powder

Wow, so I can't access your blogs, Lisa and Ji unnee, so I will give you a shout-out here. LOL

Lisa: Yes, I HELPED with the killing... I didn't do any cutting or anything though cuz you need to take a special course in animal care before you're allowed to do that legally. I mostly organized stuff so the blood and tumours and lungs of the 19 mice could be collected in a relatively orderly manner. lol

Ji unnee: YOU HAVE A BLOGGGG i love it how people are just starting to creep out of the woodwork lately. Hello!!! lol Why can't I see your blog? :P

Okay. So another week commences... S I G H. I feel funny tonight. So, since I need to get in some God-time before I sleep, I shall keep this brief and just quickly load some pictures from last night. HEHEHE.

And then, Joanne. Shenanigans @ Bubble King.

day 4

Soooooo.... I FINALLY GOT MY CELL PHONE BILL TO BE CLOSE TO THE AMOUNT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING!!! I was SO excited. I still am. Here, I took a picture because I was so excited:

K, well you kinda have to strain your eyes to see (I dunno why it turned out so small) but that's $43.95!!!!!! Compared to $203.07 that's PRRRRRETTY awesome. Finally I don't feel poor after paying my cell phone bill.

So.... Joanne... lol.. my detox diet right now consists of cutting out all meat/dairy/eggs, wheat flour (bread, crackers, cake, etcccccccc), and reducing my salt and sugar intake. So the past 4 days now I've been subsisting on..... not much at all actually. No matter how much food I pack for school I'm never not hungry. LOL I think right now it's messing with my energy levels too, but later on energy should improve. =)

To make eating more exciting I'm trying to put more effort into what I eat. haha I feel like all I've been doing this week is cooking food. This time around, I want to make detox more fun... Like this! hehe:

This took me WAY too long to make hahaha

I'm going to get me some lentils and maybe quinoa on the weekend... I really need to add more calories and bulk to my meals :(

Sooo other than that, I'm helping the Lala Lab kill mice tomorrow. I'm not sure how I'm going to react to it, I've never killed more than a trout for experiments... the mice are pretty cute.... but stinky..... we'll see tomorrow, I guess.

I'm over at 83 Southcott for a slumber party with Inggy tonight! I like little perks like this, getting out of the house, seeing friends, being shot at by Will's stupid foam dart gun thing... -_-;; We came home after watching Thelma and Louise in her Film class.... an interesting movie, not at all what I was expecting... I wasn't expecing it to be so dramatic? I think Susan Sarandon is super cool though.

It's pretty cool how I'm like.. relearning how to interact with people again. I'm being reminded of why people are good and not .... bad.... and stuff. I know some good peeps. =) and I'm very thankful that they are in my life.

May I ask why there are no cute emoticons, and why we can't "subscribe" to other blogs?

helloooo, detox

i'm hungry all the time!
>.<

crest whitestrips

I'm so excited to have dazzling white (but still not straight... T.T) teeth!

I'm taking pictures, like the nerd I am, so I can monitor the whitening process! Perhaps I'll post them later.

Okayyyy... have successfully eaten everything that I could possibly ever want this week... Passion Flakie, a fully loaded BBQ chicken pizza... WITH cheesy bread.. pasta, Haagen Daz coffee ice cream, beer, cake, cookies and sushi buffet! Totally loaded up before detoxing... which was probably counter-productive... hahaha I'm smart.....

I think I've gained like 10 pounds this week... despite what Will said tonight about me looking skinnier (it was probably the long sweater I had on... elongates the bod... YES!) but thank goodness there's no scale in the house! And thank goodness for sweaters. haha

Okaaaaay so those quizzes... need studying for. But I'm definitely lapsing into food coma. =_=

P.S. This is probably not going to come out right, but I love having a job and that it means when I spend money its not just GONE. hahahaha Oh my, even I know that sounds really stupid... but its true. I'm very glad and thankful I have a job right now, even though I'm spending more than I probably should. lol

Yesterday I felt really SCARED for the first time in ... a reallllly long time. I can't remember feeling afraid like that. And I had a very unrestful ride home on the Greyhound... and then caught a cab home but didn't have cash so I had to stop by a bank when I just wanted to get HOME cuz my feet KILLLLLLLED... got home and stayed up for much longer than I planned to, and slept in for church again. Aigoooo I must get my butt to church!

I did get some bible reading in today though... which was really good... and journalling these days is really really AWESOME. I forgot how therapeutic journalling is. *heart*

Okay! Hitting the books...NOW! .....................after I upload some pictures! >.<

Pre-Detoxification

I keep eating horrendously, justifying it by thinking to myself that "it's okay, I'm doing detox soon." I feel like I've gained 5 pounds from inhaling Haagen Daz, pastas, sweets, etc etc this week.

Ugh.

Also...
Note to self: do not listen to old school Mariah Carey. It does zero good for heart-hurt. It aggravates heart-hurt.
>.< Aigoo.

I'm pretty excited to go to Toronto this weekend (Saturday) for Kollaboration... I'm going early to squeeze some shopping in before we line up ridiculously (but apparently necessarily) early for Kollab. Hopefully Lisa can meet up after her familiy luncheon.

I didn't realize that it was THURSDAY already. Where did this week go? I definitely did not get enough reading into this Reading Week and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to be ready for my two quizzes next week. Not that they're worth much anyway. That's a lie, my Geography quiz is worth 10% of my final mark.... which I say is ridiculous cuz all it is is memorizing a list (albeit a LENGTHY list) of places in Canada and indicating their locations on a map. But I guess my professor's ridiculousness is helping my grades...

I keep accidentally touching where I shut the car door on my head the other day and not only does it still hurt, it still makes me feel oh so DUMB.

Ooh Ooh! We tried a different Indian restaurant today for Lunch Buffet!!!!!!!!!! Peter, Chris, Jenn Shin, Grace and I went to Jewel of India for $7.95 All You Can Eat Lunch Buffet. It was GREAT. I personally like it better than Massey's, which is a dollar more (or is it $9.99?) and not as big of a selection. Mmmmmmm. The naan was FRESH baked, which is what got me.

I'm amazed at how patient God is, and it makes me realize how much I am not. I've started reading the Bible again, at the book of Matthew and to be honest it's pretty slow going. I want to feel myself drawing near to God... I want to feel the difference Scripture breathes into my life..... I guess I need to learn how to let go of my need to control the pace of this process and trust that it is in much more reliable hands.

I want so badly to be held. To know that I am loved inside and out. I feel so lost right now... like I'm groping around in the dark, which I once thought was light. I'm so confused...

Lord, teach me! Be gentle with me! Help me trust You, and trust that at the end of this long road ahead, I will stand before you, renewed and restored.

On a different note, my skin is driving me N U T S.

apres le cleaning

Oh man, I didn't realize how messy I'd let my room get over the exam period...

It's taking forever to tidy up. :(

Anyways, about to hit the hay, but thought I'd get some thoughts down before I do.

I guess because not a lot of people blog or read blogs I can use this more of a second journal... one in which I can insert photos though... I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Just wanted to upload a couple quick pictures...

I love coming home... it's really easy to take your mommy for granted when you live at home and I totally appreciate this wonderful woman so much more ever since I moved out... this was some great teriyaki she served for dinner tonight.

And my Bunny #1. She's sitting atop my pillow that I also had made before school started this year... love this pillow. White fabric with silver glitter hearts. The bunny's eyes are only stickers still, but I can't seem to find anything that looks appropriate. I tried buttons but they looked ... not quite right. Creepy.

Tomorrow = Wednesday = work in Lala Land! (I work in a lab for a Dr. Lala... get it?)

I should remove my Crest Whitestrips and get some shut-eye.

I shall do that ... now.

Hello

I recently ("recently" = hours ago) asked Inggy to change the password for my facebook account. I figured this would be a less painful way to "quit" the thing... less painful as in this way I won't lose all of 55 photo albums that are attached to that account, ha ha.

I've been playing with the idea of blogging for awhile now... the biggest factor being my gomo (that's "paternal aunt" for any non-Koreans out there) insisting that there's a way to make money in almost anything..... she expressed her incredulousosity at the fact that there are people out there who make money by posting their thoughts on the internet (Perez Hilton comes to mind). Obviously that's not happening here, but her suggestion made me consider it at least.

So, in the wake of (temporarily?) killing my Facebook, here I am starting a blog!

I stopped by Covent Garden Market today after dropping off the little brother at the Y for his swimming lesson... I was in need of loose-leaf teas for to start my month-long venture that is called the Detox Diet. I'm trying to take it more seriously this time, not just relying on buckwheat noodles, mushrooms and baked sweet potato to get me through... I really want to see if my eczema will clear up a bit by changing my usual intake of food.


So this detox diet calls for use of herbal teas incorporating the likes of calendula flowers (aka. marigold aka. chamomile), echinacea (have yet to buy from nutrition store at the Market),
nettles, and other such earthy leafy things.






I'm quite excited actually to brew these teas
in my brand spankin' new teapot that I bought from The TeaHaus! (http://www.theteahaus.com/)



I actually took a bunch of pictures (after asking permission) of the store cuz I remembered Hannah expressing that she missed the place, so Hans here you go!